The End

Too stoned to be alone

last night i travel myself to another dimension

Last night I travel myself to another dimension

the last thing I remember was, we were having a conversation.

Telanjang

kaca kaca terpisah

tiada kaca basah

mengalir sang air jernih

berjalan atas angin

satu kaca bersinar

dua kaca berpinar

berdiri lali

sentuhan terusik

perasaan jadi asyik

semua yang tidak

cuma satu kehendak

muka sembab

bergerak lembab

tanpa sebab

berbisik perlahan

tumpukan perhatian

bayang bayang tertinggal

cerita derita yang janggal

menangis dan menyanyi

tanpa bunyi

terbang bebas

bermimpikan angkasa lepas

telanjangkan fikiran

buang semua kesulitan

ubah corak pemikiran

hayati setiap perkataan

biar dia meraung kesakitan

dia menjerit kesedapan

lepaskan perlahan

tarik nafas kemarahan

hela kan kepuasan

THE SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF A WINTER

the bird's song

the birds are singing 

i am sitting

i am listening

i keep reading

i can't stop smiling

and it keeps me thinking

about one thing

leaving

Harga Sehelai Hati Sendiri

jangan berhenti di sini
jangan hilangkan harga sehelai hati
jangan tinggalkan diri sendiri

cari sendiri sekeping hati
kemana dia pergi
jangan biarkan dia mati
sedikit lagi kau lari
sampai mana pun jangan berhenti

biarkan yang lain mati
jangan berhenti mencari
dia hilang sukar diganti
dia pergi tidak akan kembali

teruskan berlari
jangan toleh kanan atau kiri
mati nanti bila ikutkan hati

And So On

to him
i used to love
to him
i did what i did
to him
i did my biggest mistakes
for him,
i suffer
for him,
i become selfless
for him,
i become different
for him,
i cried all day
for him,
i cried all night

and so he left
and so i restart

and i found you
and i found you
and i found you

and you found me
you found me..
and so you wait
and so you wait more
for years you wait

and so im yours
and i know you're mine

and i got carried away
i forget
you can leave
you might leave
and so you left

and i stopped..
i think
i think wise
i want you
i just want you
and so i want you

and so i call
but i missed
and so i cry
but you stand still
and so i beg

i apologize
i beg
i cried
i want you

and so you stay for good
and so im grateful

you opened my eyes
you make me realize
i cant make the same mistakes i did
i cant make you leave
or no one can marry me

Diam

bila aku diam,
dia lagi diam.
bila aku kusut,
dia lagi kusut.
bila aku gumbira,
dia lagi gumbira!!

kata dia
hidup dia bukan untuk dia
hidup dia untuk kita
hidup dia bukan untuk masa lepas..
hidup dia untuk masa depan..
hidup dia untuk tuhan dan aku

walaupun aku faham,
dia tetap tak bercakap.
walaupun aku diam,
dia masih tak faham.
walau apa pun..
dia tetap diam

tapi dalam diam dia yang terpaling diam,
dia mati.

dia matikan hati untuk aku sampai mati..

SI MULUT PUAKA

Si Mulut Puaka

Setiap malam mereka akan bertemu di hutan. Menceritakan hari hari yang mereka lalui.  Kenta sentiasa mengelakkan diri dari bercerita tentang dirinya.

Tiba satu malam. Kenta tidak dapat menahan nafsunya. Dia tidak mahu memaksa Siko. Tetapi memujuknya. Dia menggunakan ayat yang semanisnya. Janji yang sepatutnya. Siko terpedaya dengan mudah kerana Siko cuma seorang perempuan yang penyayang. Dia sayangkan Kenta. Dia mahu Kenta sayangkan dia. Dengan perlahan Siko rebah didalam pelukan Kenta. 

Kini, setiap malam yang mereka lalui adalah semata mata untuk memuaskan nafsu Kenta. 

Sehingga Kenta menjadi sangat bengis jika Siko menolak kemahuannya. 

Sekali sekala Siko sendiri yang meminta Kenta memperlakukannya. Mereka semakin hanyut bersama nafsu. 

Siko kini sangat sayangkan Kenta. Dengan sepenuh jiwa dan raganya. 

Dia mahu hidup selamanya bersama Kenta. Dia mahu melihat Kenta setiap masa.

Tetapi, malang sekali, Kenta datang dari kampung yang paling hujung. Semua orang orang di kampunya jahat jahat belaka. Keluarga Kenta juga sangat jahat dan berwajah hodoh semuanya. Ia bermaksud, Kenta juga begitu. Siko tidak menyedari kehodohan Kenta selama ini kerana dia telah dibutakan oleh cintanya dan sayangnya yang sangat dalam terhadap Kenta.

Kenta seorang yang hodoh sebenarnya. 

Kukunya hitam.
Rambutnya kereteng.
Kulitnya tidak rata.
Bahunya berkudis.
Hidungnya kembang.
Giginya kuning dan mulutnya berbau makanan basi.
Tapi semua itu tidak menjadi masalah bagi Siko kerana dia telahpun menerima Kenta dengan seada adanya dia. 

Satu persatu perubahan terhadap diri Kenta sudah terlihat oleh Siko. Kenta panas baran. Kenta kuat cemburu. Kenta sangat pemarah. Tapi dia sudah terlanjur selama enam tahun menjalinkan hubungan nya bersama Kenta. Walau buruk mana sekali perangai Kenta, Siko sedia terima kerana dia cuma sayangkan Kenta dan Kenta sahaja.

 ‘Alang alang menyeluk pekasam, biarlah sampai ke pangkal lengan’ kata Siko dalam hati. Dia semahu mahunya ingin menyelamatkan hubungannya bersama Kenta yang tidak pernah sedar diri itu. 

Segala kebaikan pada Siko terhadapnya tidak pernah terlihat. Dia hanya memandang Siko seperti seorang perempuan murahan yang tergila gilakannya. 

Kenta mula rimas dengan Siko yang terlalu menyayanginya. Dia lantas meninggalkan Siko dan mencari perempuan lain. 

Siko menangis dan sangat kecewa. Kecewanya teramat dalam. Senyumnya tidak ada yang manis lagi. Kecantikannya semakin pudar kerana terlalu banyak menangis. 

Dia tidak ceria lagi. Dia bukan periang lagi. 

Hatinya yang baik pada suatu ketika dahulu, perlahan lahan berubah menjadi pedendam.

Siko sangka dia masih baik hati lagi. Dia tidak mahu meluahkan kemarahannya kepada sesiapa. 

Semakin lama semakin banyak yang Siko simpan. 

Segala keperitan, segala kesakitan, segala kesengsaraan dia harus tanggung seorang diri. Hanya dia yang tanggung. Dia cuma seorang perempuan yang baik hati, bukan terlalu kuat menghadapi cabaran sebegini rupa. 

Siko kini hatinya sudah jahat. Lebih jahat dari Kenta. Lebih jahat dari keluarga Kenta. Lebih pedendam dari sesiapa sahaja. 

Kata kata Siko kini menjadi sesuatu yang puaka. Apa sahaja yang disumpahnya, pasti menjadi. Sesiapa sahaja yang menyindirnya, pasti akan disumpahnya. Dia kehilangan hidupnya yang aman dan damai pada suatu ketika dahulu. Semuanya kerana Kenta.

Pada suatu hari, Siko ke hutan. Bersedih. Meratap kehilangan Kenta yang tidak mahukan dia lagi. Sedang dia menangis dan sangat bersedih, dia ternampak Kenta sedang berasmara dengan perempuan lain. dia menjerit sekuat hatinya memanggil nama Kenta.

Tiba tiba mereka terpaku dan tidak langsung boleh bergerak.

Kenta tercengang. Perempuan asing itu juga tercengang sekali. 

Siko kini berdiri dihadapan Kenta dan perempuan baru nya. Siko memejamkan matanya. Dia kini tidak menangis lagi. 

“Wahai Kenta yang aku sayangi, oleh kerana kau perlakukan aku sebegini kecewa, aku bersumpah diatas namaku sendiri bahawa kau tidak akan hidup bahagia dengan sesiapa sahaja yang ada didalam hidupmu selainku. Tidak akan ada perempuan yang akan menyayangi kau seperti mana aku. 

Dengar kataku, Kenta. Kau akan makan bersama sumpahku di setiap harimu.”

Lalu Siko beredar. 

Keesokan harinya, Kenta ketakutan. 

Dia takut akan kata kata Siko.

Begitulah juga setiap harinya, Kenta ketakutan. 

Dia takut akan kata kata Siko.

Bertahun dan berabad juga, Kenta masih ketakutan. 

Dia takut akan kata kata Siko. 

Tamat.

orang muda

ingat lagi satu hari dulu

masa kita terbang tak terpenjuru

kita muda dan terburu buru

kita tidak boleh bersatu

walau apa pun yang berlaku

kerana aku tidak cintakan kamu

jadi duduk sahaja diam disitu

you are blind

you make her smile
and you stay for a while
until one day you hide
and the next day you come out with a lie

she can't get along
and you give her one love song
but it doesn't last long

she think about nothing else
but you love her less and less
you created a lot of mess

one day she cry again
the next day you heal her pain

when she decided to stay
you chose to walk away
but she stayed anyway
but you were just too scared

when you said you need more time
it was her heart on the line
and she was one of a kind
but you were just too blind

you keep slashing her heart
she cried every single night

the night she died
you were too high to cry

and now you cant smile
or even hide

you can't think of a love song
and you cant get along

you can't run away
and you can't even stay

you cry every single night
thinking how to make it right

hush and shut

when you have no idea
shut

when you know you're wrong
shut

clench your fist
and shut

when you have so much to talk about
shut

do not be a slut
just shut

hush hush
just shut

jangan segan

ukirkan satu senyuman
jangan segan
berjalan perlahan

tanggalkan pakaian
jangan segan
tadahkan tangan

berjalan perlahan
tumpukan perhatian
mana dia arah dan tujuan

jalan ke depan
jangan bagi harapan

jangan terbang
jangan melayang

kuatkan kaki
pulang ke sini

jangan salah erti
jangan mencaci
jangan maki

cari sendiri

blind and high

no light
on a lovely night

make no sound
and no one bounce

sit still
no one blink

play a song
let me sing along

no sun
on a lovely night
and moon is bright

smile
for a little while
sit down and lie
but dont cry when i die

shut the door
look at the corridor
you will never know
sorrow..

think and blink
bones and teeth
dont feed

love is a piece of shit

love is beautiful ?
no, it is fool..

love is kind ?
no, you're just blind

love makes you sing ?
no, it stinks

love is everything ?
no, its just a feeling

love makes you commit ?
yes, but it happens only when you start the vomit

love makes you happy ?
no way, its just a piece of shit

They Fuck

they were friends..
not good friends
just friends..

she loved the other guy
he loved the other girl
but they liked each other

he smiled
she smiled back

the other guy is pathetic
the other girl is bullshit

she cries
he cries
they cried

he's being fucked
and the other girl makes him stuck

she's being left like an idiot
and the other guy said its hilarious

he has been fucked
she has been fucked
and so they fuck
and they got stucked

they thought it was too fast
but still they had breakfast

he sings a love song
she sings along

SHE TALKED

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she didnt know everyone talks about her

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she never mention she fucked the other guy

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she never realizes that the truth does hurts

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
and she keep on talking to the wall

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
and she mentioned that they irritates her

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she never said that she sent the other guy a green letter

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she tell everyone she's missing him

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she never said she thanked the other guy for the other night

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she didnt know the other guy was gay

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
but she didnt know that her friends laughed at her

i heard she talked about others who talked about her
and she pretended like she was always there

she had an ugly face that everyone could hate
she had an ugly heart that everyone could hate
she had fake opinions that everyone could hate

and so she had her own point of view
and so she had something to say
and so she said it
and she will never shut her mouth

and she realizes he never loved her
they just want to fuck her
and so she suffer..

tiga purnama

tiga purnama aku duduk kaku
tiga purnama aku termangu sayu
tiga purnama aku menangis berlagu

my bestfriend's lie

i have a bestfriend..
shes beautiful in and out..
we've been bestfriend since i was 12 and she was 11..
eversince that age, we did everything together and we kept no secret..
and to us, it is totally normal if we had fight.. because we totally understand each other..
we were mad for each other for days and we cant live without each other either..
whenever we had fight, we never keep anything inside to spoil our best relationship that ever existed.. i loved her and i know she loved me too..
that's why we are special..
when we were in high school,
all the kids always thought that we were lesbian.
and we let them think that way coz we thought its kinda cool.. ( yea right.. )
and as the relationship goes on and on and on,.
we went through tough times together.
Everything we did, we did it together.

when i was 17, i went through my tough teenage crisis
where my first love was a total jerk,. (thats y he left in the first place)..
i was just too naive to understand and to handle such simple and stupid teenage drama..
i cried so hard coz i lost my first love.. and guess what..
there she is,. be there for me every single minute when i was down.
she said
she can feel my pain just by looking at me crying like that.
( and i think everyone cudve said the same thing whenever they saw me cry horribly),.
but its diferent when your bestfriend's the one who said it,.
maybe thats because no one said it and she's the only bestfriend i got and yea,. she said it.. so,.
i really do aprechiate her for being there for me all the time..
most of the time,. i always experienced things before her ( i wonder why ),.
like having a jerk as a boyfriend,. i remember she said

" i dont know how to advice you coz ive never felt this way,. but i know i will understand one day and i know everyone will surely experience these kinda thing,. which including me,. and right now you have to be powerfully strong for me so that you'll learn your lesson and you have to be there for me whenever i need your advice.."

the way she said it is different.. and it works..
its undeniable that every each type of relationship does have their ups and down..
we do had fights,. we do snarl to each other sometimes, we do had different opinions here and there..
but most of the time, we laugh together..

ave you ever feel so seriously comfortable with someone in your life whenever you shared a secret that cudve ruin your life if they spill that secret's out? but you just know in your heart that that someone will never let you down?
thats what i always feel about her whenever i share my secrets.. she is trustworthy,. enough said..
i always so jealous (in a positive way) of her life..
she seems to be always luckier than me.. in school,. everyone wanna be her friends,.
and every guy wants to be her boyfriend and so on,.
coz i know she is kind hearted (originally,. not plastic at all) and plus, she's beautiful..
but she always end up seeking advice from me,.
telling me stories and secrets that no one knows except me,.
because i am her bestfriend and she said im the only one who understands her.. truly.. :)
as she is now a stewardess,. and living her busy scheduled life,.
she said she could hv been happier if im with her,.
i trust her words coz she always meant what she said..
whenever we meet up,. we laughed so hard and even if we had those big fat full of shits life,.
it doesnt matter at all,. we will always feel better whenever we are together..

and last two weeks,.
we planned ourselves a nice vacation with few friends invited and few grasses ordered to get high to have a great fucking time together..
i waited for her for like two weeks for this vacation. but turn out to be,.
she let me down.. so hard..
she said she was stucked somewhere in China coz theres a problem with her flight there..
( i was worried like hell but she never answer any of my calls.. so i assume there's something wrong with the coverage maybe .. )
and so i waited for her msgs and calls.. but yea,. no single msg,. no call,. nothing ..
and then the next day she said

 "im sorry i cudnt meet you coz i need to meet Bad". ( Bad is her current bf )
and there goes my dissapointment..
and i tried to ignore those disappointment coz i know how she loved him,.
and how she always wanted to be with him and things like that,..
and so i ignore my anger towards her..

but then the next day she suddenly leave me a strange message to my number..

" im sorry i cudnt make it,. please dont be mad,. i just arrived from KJ,. i was stuck in China for two days.. i promise i'll make it up to you, pls dont be mad.."
and i was like

WWWWHHHHAAAATTT TTTHHEEEE FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKK?????

was she drunk when she told me that she needed to meet her bf that she accidentally told me the truth?
and i cant stand it i have to reply her.. i said

"i thought you said you need to meet your boyfriend.." ( without a question mark,. u know what i mean?)

and she didnt reply me until now..
things could have been better if she just tell me the truth, isnt she?
and i cud hv never be this mad if she just call me and tell me that she wants to spend time with his lovly bf..
i wont mind.. but i cant stand that she lied to me and she accidentally told me the truth and then lie again.. was she drunk or has she lost her mind?
i was totally disappointed.. and how i felt is unexplainable ..

but what greatbestfriends are for if they dont forgive and forget right.. ?
im sure this will be one of our jokes one day..
no matter what she did to me i'll still love her..
and im writing this because i missed her..